The Hobbit – J.R.R. Tolkien. Of course.

The Annotated Hobbit - J.R.R. Tolkien, Douglas A. Anderson

Might as well start moving my reviews over to Booklikes by moving the one with the most "like"s. Enjoy.


I can't review The Hobbit: it's part of me, so I can't be objective.  

Instead, kick on the karaoke machine. 

He Didn’t Mean To Adventure


- The story of The Hobbit, singable to the tune of Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire


Bilbo is respectable in Bag End Under Hill
Till “Gandalf tea Wednesday” and a rune scratched on his door.
Fili Kili Ori Óin, Dori Nori Bombur Glóin
Bifur, Dwalin, Bofur, Balin – are there any more?!
Yes: Thorin especially; Gandalf makes fourteen
An Unexpected Party, and a burglar with no choice.
Green Dragon, Bywater, Trolls consider slaughter:
Bert, Tom, and William – Gandalf throws his voice.


     Bilbo: I didn’t mean to adventure
     Minding my own business,
     Then all things went amiss
     I didn’t mean to adventure
     Taken from my doorstep
     Now with Gandalf I schlep


Heading on to Rivendell, Elrond’s House where elves yet dwell

Moon runes, Elf tunes, but it’s not long before:
Thunderstorms, giants swarm, misery is uniform
Captured by the Goblins, but Gandalf comes through once more
Goblin King, a missing Ring(!), Bilbo makes good use of Sting
A game of Riddles in the Dark, Gollum’s bite’s worse than his bark
Balin is sharp-sighted, the party’s reunited,
Bilbo appears, Dwarves cheer, Gandalf is delighted.


     Bilbo: I didn’t mean to adventure
     Wish that singing was my kettle
     Not Elves in fine fettle
     I didn’t mean to adventure
     Almost served like mutton
     Then lost all my buttons


From the frying pan of Goblin fray to Wargs and wolves, ya harri hey
An eye-opener and no mistake, racket keeps Eagles awake
A night spent in an eyrie, Beorn’s house is more cheery
Ponies serve up honey-cake, with dogs and rams – no chops or steak
Beorn gives good advice (maybe should’ve told ‘em twice)
Black squirrels and butterflies, cobwebs and insect eyes
White hart frustrates, Bombur is a dead weight
Vanishing feast agonize, all lose their heads (no real surprise)


     Bilbo: I didn’t mean to adventure
     I don’t think I’m an asset -
     Are we nearly there yet?
     I didn’t mean to adventure
     The Road goes ever on
     That’s why I’m woebegone


Bilbo’s nearly caught in webs : courage peaks as daylight ebbs
Attercop, Attercop, monster spiders nearly get the drop
Thorin caught by Woodelves, the rest made prisoners themselves -
Butler and guard drink till they drop; barrels float, Bilbo atop
Bilbo starts to cough and sneeze; Fili says No apples, please!
Desolation of the Dragon, now it’s all up to Burglar Baggins!


     Bilbo: I didn’t mean to adventure
     Hope I come in useful
     Not look too much a fool
     I didn’t mean to adventure
     Once I blew smokerings
     Now I’ve got this joke Ring


Bilbo ‘thags you very buch’ old black snail-cracking thrush
Smaug rises in fire, off to Laketown venting ire
But now the dragon’s Not At Home, I’ll just take that Arkenstone
Goblets they found there for themselves, and harps of gold where once they delved
Mithril vest, did Smaug go west? Lake Town is put to the test
Grim-voiced Bard, black arrow last, a little bird speaks as Smaug flies past
Smaug goes down in clouds of steam – Bard should be king, the Dale folk deem
Dalemen and Elf array marching northward straightaway


     Bilbo: I didn’t mean to adventure

     I miss my good old arm-chair
     Once back I won’t leave there
     I didn’t mean to adventure
     Don’t care how much gold’s strewn
     Can I be going home soon?


Old Roäc, son of Carc, reports Bard’s arrow hit its mark -
That’s the good news; bad remains – Thorin sends him off to Dain
Dueling ballads, Elves and Dwarves – Thorin’ll sit on gold and starve
The Clouds Burst, Bilbo’s cursed, after Dain comes the worst -
Goblins led by Azog’s son – wolves and Wargs behind them run
Disagreements disappear – so does Bilbo, thinking clear
Goblins offer no reprieve, then Thorin turns the tide at eve
And Bilbo sees a welcome sight – Eagles are coming! To join the fight


     Bilbo: I didn’t mean to adventure
     I’ve a helm and hard skull
     Of adventure chock-full
     I didn’t mean to adventure
     Didn’t expect warfare
     Eagles, Dwarves, Wargs, Elves, bear


Bilbo comes to once more – Thorin’s passing grieves him sore
And Fili and Kili, body and shield, defending Thorin died before
Under the Mountain Dain’s now King, Even dragons have their ending
Chest of silver, chest of gold, Yule-tide with Gandalf in Beorn’s hold
Bilbo’s Took blood grows more tired the closer he comes to the Shire
Rivendell – the first of May, and Elves’ lullabyes at break of day
Auction ended, SB’s offended, reputation gone and won’t be mended
Thus ends the tale, how beyond all ken, Bilbo journeyed There and Back Again.